By the sea-side.

Right before the bus rolled over, before the earth shook mercilessly and fiercely and the trees waved in retaliation, before a broken seat fell into and shattered his rib-cage and pierced open his abdomen, before his still, lifeless body was found and pulled out of the rubble, before his heart stopped and his breath ceased, before his eyelids froze wide open, before his blood bled him to death, before his cries of pain wore him out, before his senses stopped sensing and gave up, he thought a thought that he shouldn’t have thought.

Not a forbidden thought. But a thought that made no difference anymore. A thought that wouldn’t have changed much, had he even thought it at the time when it needed to be thought. A strange thought, indeed, it was, for it sounded strange in his thinking mind. It gave hope of a better past. But the past that had been lived could not be bettered, he thought. The time that had sped by couldn’t be recaptured, couldn’t be reclaimed.

The thought that said, not said but asked, could he have changed a sliver of life, the life that hung loosely by a thread and was about to be lost altogether, had he said better what needed to be said? Had he conquered his fear, could he have spoken those words more clear? Had his tongue not resisted so much, could he have saved his life from ‘tear and tear’. The tear that fled the eye and the tear that tore things apart.
It wasn’t hard, he thought in his mindless thought.
By the sea-side, he saw in her eyes what she saw in the see-saw.
The simple task, to merely utter a sentence for a counted ten times, had he not the courage to do so? And if he had, why had he failed to summon it that day, been unable to muster it in one place?
He would have thought a little more about the baffling thought, had a thought more gravely important not knocked on the inside of his skull. The thought that begged him to stop thinking the thought that he was thinking and hold on to a pole, as his life sped by towards it’s conclusion, his breath swam away to a place from where it couldn’t return and his mind fatigued of the thought it thought and vowed never to think a thought ever again.
After the thought, before the death, he tried saying it one last time. He could, as clear as the river nile. It angered him, that what once held the power to change so much came out when it couldn’t anymore.
By the sea-side, he saw in her eyes what she saw in the see-saw.
Simple as that. Then, Of course, he died.


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